Concealment Culture

As I have spent time working on the idea of You Are Your Only Limit (aka YAYOL) as a semi-autobiographical exploration of my neurodivergent life in a neurotypical world, it has challenged me to think about many things that I think need to be said. As ever, I don't have all/many of the answers, all I have are my experiences to share in the hope it may help someone else avoid the pitfalls and potholes my path has put in my way over the last forty years.

One aspect that came up when I looked back on my life takes masking to a new level because, after all, masking is an enhanced response to the world and our ability to be accepted for who we are. As I separated out elements to cover in YAYOL, I thought about exploring concealment culture in more detail in a different project. I know it's an emotive subject and I won't lie. I come at it from a perspective of "once bitten, twice shy" in many ways.

I'm going to be pretty blunt here. The world doesn't like authenticity; it likes conformity. there are exceptions to the rules, small communities or pockets of people who defy that societal norm, and yet consistently around the world, conformity rules. And yet if you look at the statistics, it shows that the neurodivergent population doesn't represent an insignificant portion of our populations, far from it.

When Birmingham University (UK) conducted its study on the UK population, it estimated that between 15%-20% of the entire UK population is neurodivergent. That also appears pretty consistent with global figures sitting between 10%-20%, hardly a small number of people when you consider the worldwide population. So, why is it that divergence from the norm is still frowned upon when we know such a proportion of the population may see, feel, experience, and perceive the world differently?

Society is evolving. I don't think any of us are going to sit back and say we are where we were ten, twenty or even fifty years ago. The speed at which we are evolving and developing is frankly terrifying as, while technological advances are skyrocketing, we as a species are struggling to keep up. While we are quick to develop or knowledge and skills, the consequences are something that seems to lag far behind.

We are still living in the shadows of the age of ignorance being bliss. As a child of the eighties, I have experienced first-hand the pressures of normalised culture and conformity. There will be those of you who say "you had it easy in the eighties, I survived the fifties" and you'd be right. Studying my psychology degree in 2005, I remember looking back at the key research studies and feeling shock at what was accepted and considered ethical in the past. Some of the tests done were almost tortuous, and I shall not excuse them, but they offered insight into new theories and understanding.

But why do I mention the past? Surely the future is the way forward? You'd be right, but where does every new building begin, in its foundations. Our foundations are still deeply rooted in an era of ignorance and marred with antiquated stereotypes that remain the base knowledge for a lot of people in positions of power and influence. That isn't to say that they are incapable of challenging those beliefs, but we all know it is far easier to concede with things than it is to fight, especially when it literally feels like the world is out against you.

So, how do we react, we hide, we mask - we conceal! And what does it cost? This conformity to a culture of concealment. It costs us one big thing that takes a long time to reclaim, identity, the sense of who we are and with that our worth and value. I will confess to having lost my own identity for so long that I convinced myself there wasn't a me inside anymore. You may call that melodramatic if you wish, and you're entitled to that opinion, but I'll put some substance to the reasoning if I ever dare to hit "publish".

With a culture of concealment eroding identity, making it feel more important to project the version of you the world prefers to see, it often leads to vulnerability. There are those in the world who seek to exploit that lack of connection we inherently have with ourselves, to bend you to their will and manipulate the environment to feed the misconception that the projection of you is more valuable than the one you're hiding.

You see, as a society, we push people to be confident in themselves, express their true feelings and be "in touch" with who they are, and yet we secretly encourage the exact opposite. Rather than embrace the individuality of people, we prefer conformity, and with that breeds a sense of fear of standing out. Factor that into the fact of knowing you are different inside, and the rules of fitting in become exaggerated in the neurodiverse mind tenfold.

I intend to put more meat on the bones once I've overcome the self-doubt and imposter-syndrome that comes with sharing my journey thus far and trying to offer some shared advice. until then, you;re stuck with my sign off of...just my thoughts!