Redefining Success: From People-Pleasing to Self-Fulfilment

This morning’s lie-in (before heading into my dungeon/cellar for a weights session—yes, I know rest days are important, but they drive me mad) had me reflecting on something that seems to come up a lot in conversations with neurodivergent folk: people-pleasing.

It’s a double-edged sword, isn’t it? We’re conditioned to “fit in,” to mask, to adapt to the neurotypical world. And that often leads to doing everything we can to keep others happy—because, for so long, that’s been tied to our survival and acceptance.

But here’s the thing: when you’re constantly bending over backwards for others, it becomes all too easy to lose sight of your own worth. Over time, this ingrains a second-best mindset—masking becomes the norm, and being authentic feels like a luxury.

Then you realise the world is full of two types of people:

1️⃣ Those who challenge you, support you, and walk with you as you rebuild your self-belief. These are the people who help you shift from people-pleasing to self-fulfilment.

2️⃣ And those who exploit your drive, your willingness to go above and beyond. They push you to take on more plates to spin—not for your growth, but for their benefit.

I’ve seen (and experienced) both, and honestly, the exploitation angers me. Clever, manipulative tactics like guilt-tripping or instilling fear of missing out if you don’t “go the extra mile” are designed to keep you in second place.

When I support others in stepping away from this “second-fiddle living,” I always emphasise that it’s a process. Incremental change is key—both to challenge your own thinking and to navigate the resistance you’ll face from those around you.

Yes, some advocate diving in with both feet. And that works for some. But for others, especially when dealing with deeply ingrained patterns, slow and steady wins the race.

These are just my thoughts, as ever. But if you’ve been stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing, I hope this post reminds you to prioritise yourself—because you’re worth it.

What’s one small step you can take today to shift towards self-fulfilment?