RSD, the Alps, and the Inner Fight I’m Finally Naming

Why Building NeuroEdge and OFF Script Feels Like Climbing Two Mountains at Once

Let’s talk about something that hides in plain sight for so many of us navigating life with ADHD, autism, or other neurodivergent identities.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.

On paper, it sounds clinical.

In real life, it feels like this:

You post something and it gets ignored. Your chest tightens.

Someone unsubscribes or doesn’t reply. Your stomach drops.

A project underperforms. You feel like deleting everything.

That’s not being “dramatic” or “too emotional.”

That’s RSD.

And it’s a heavy thing to carry when you’re trying to build anything. A career. A business. A creative body of work. Especially when you already feel different by default.

I Look Like I’ve Got It Together. I Don’t Always.

I’ve had people tell me I seem calm. In control. Polished.

The truth?

Inside, I often scream.

When a Raven ad flops, or a NeuroEdge post doesn’t land, or a book doesn't sell, my brain whispers:

"You’ve been found out."

"You’re not cut out for this."

"Start again. Burn it down."

And I have to fight that urge. Every time.

I’ve deleted ads in panic. I’ve rewritten entire campaigns that didn’t need fixing.

Because that sting of silence or failure doesn’t just feel disappointing. It feels personal.

Even when it’s not.

That’s RSD.

Building NeuroEdge Is Scaring the Crap Out of Me

There, I said it.

I believe in NeuroEdge. I believe in the power of lived experience.

But building a business from that belief?

It’s terrifying.

I’ve worked in high-stakes environments for 20 years. I’ve trained specialists, led under pressure, spoken at national events.

And yet, building something under my own name. From me. Unlocks a level of imposter syndrome I didn’t know I still carried.

It’s the constant question.

Who am I to lead this?

And the answer I keep trying to sit with is.

Who else but someone who’s lived it?

Masking Made Me Successful. Unmasking Makes Me Feel Exposed.

Here’s the paradox I’m still trying to navigate.

So much of what I’ve achieved came while I was masked.

I knew the roles. I played them well.

I became who the room needed. Professional. Composed. Contained.

Now that I’m trying to build something as a more unmasked version of myself, everything feels harder.

I notice the moments when people react less warmly.

I feel the sting of being too open, too different, too real.

And some people?

They liked the masked version of me better.

That hurts. But it also tells me I’m getting closer to truth.

My Books Aren’t an Escape. They’re a Lifeline.

People assume writing is my hobby.

But the Raven series, Masks, NeuroEdge, they’re not just stories.

They are how I stay standing.

When I write, I don’t run away. I process.

When I build stories, I don’t disconnect. I find myself.

Creativity isn’t an outlet for fun.

It’s how I regulate.

How I make sense of life.

How I put something in the world that isn’t built on hiding.

Let’s Make This a Conversation, Not a Performance

If any part of this hits you — the masking, the spirals, the shame, the silence — I want to ask something.

Tell me.

Tell me what rejection has looked like for you.

Tell me how you’ve wrestled with your own version of this.

Tell me what you’re still holding that never belonged to you.

Drop a comment. Send a message. Share the post. Start the conversation.

Because I’m done pretending I’ve got this all figured out. And maybe you are too.

🧠 Final Reflection (from the Alps)

Being here, surrounded by silence and altitude, I expected peace.

What I found instead was a mirror.

A mirror that showed me how much of my pain has come from reactions I couldn’t name.

How many of my spirals were rehearsals for rejections that never came.

How loud RSD can be when everything else is quiet.

I don’t have a resolution.

But I do have a new question I’m holding onto.

What would I create if I wasn’t scared of the silence that follows it?

🔗 Want to Keep Talking?

📚 Read NeuroEdge, my book for late and self-diagnosed neurodivergents ready to lead from truth

🎧 Listen to The ADHD Biography Podcast, where I share more on masking, burnout, and truth

📥 Download the NeuroEdge Starter Pack, 10 free tools to help you unmask gently www.tobey-alexander.com/neuroedgelanding

💬 Or just connect. I answer every message. Because this work isn’t theory. It’s personal.